This webpage was started in 2017 by a group of registrars and residents, following the death by suicide of a number of colleagues. Since then, we and our page have evolved and moved on to different things in medicine.
Initially, I wanted this to be a site where people could share their struggles and triumphs. I also wanted to share the creative and extracurricular activities doctors undertake, to remind us that we are more than our work. We all learn with experience and many of the things we did failed to gain any traction, but the older posts remain on this website as evidence of what we have tried.
Brooke, Rachel and Eric have left the page, largely to pursue their own goals and due to the hectic nature of advanced training in medicine. However, I wanted to keep the page alive, so that it can remain a space where I can share my experiences, amplify the words of others and generally advocate for change in medicine. I may not post often, but I will continue to use this page for advocacy and support for doctors in training, fellows and other health care workers who need it.
Over the 5 years since we started this page, I have become passionately convinced that the “medical model” that labels individuals as ill under the stressors of life and work has allowed systems – the public and private health systems, the medical colleges, society to get away with treating us as the problem instead of seeing struggle in doctors for what it is – reasonable, rational and normal responses to overwork, stress, bullying, events in our lives. Sadly it seems we and very few of those in power, actually understand this and we keep being offered token gestures, toolkits for wellbeing and links to see the doctor or call Lifeline. COVID19 has simply exacerbated a pre-existing problem.
I struggled during my medical training, because I was not the typical personality in medicine – I have since been labelled with depression, anxiety and attention deficit disorder (labels I only accept with caveats). Rather than seeing my struggles as a source of shame, I think that they make me a more empathetic doctor. The psychotherapy I have done has become a sort of “super power” for me, where I am better able to read myself and identify dysregulated responses in others, who haven’t done as much work to become self aware, instead of becoming reactive myself. Of course, this is lifelong work and I am very very far from perfect and I won’t be using this page to share generic wellness advice.
Over the years, I have seen many efforts start of hopefully then fizzle out with little change to medical culture. Cultural change is difficult, it takes time and persistence despite failure, despite the fighting against inertia, a desire to do what is easy and maintain an unsatisfactory status quo and a general human resistance to change, but I plan to be in for the long haul and I hope some of you will join me.
In the words of Margaret Mead,
“never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed; it is the only thing that ever has.”
Yours faithfully,
Kate
As always, in memory of Drs Chloe Abbott, John Moutzouris and all the other doctors lost too soon.
