Another week where I barely felt like a human being: exhausted following a weekend shift, then dragging myself through the next six days hankering after the weekend. I won’t lie. I was so cranky by Wednesday that I sent a series of messages to my most kindly disposed colleagues whinging that I had reached breaking point, I was becoming a horrible angry person at work and needed an ado AND THAT ADO HAD TO BE RIGHT THIS SECOND. Of course, that didn’t happen. I could hardly demand an ado of my head of department with little notice, especially when my ethics proposal depended on meeting Prof AZ the following day and then with EEG teaching with said HOD on Friday. Also, why do that to the BPTs who are close to pre-exam meltdown? So instead, I had to go into damage control, which entailed sleeping in a little more Thurs am (5:50 instead of 5:30, which probably made a psychological difference only tbh) and going to yoga on Friday morning to get some zen on (instead of getting up to swim at 5am, which is guaranteed to bring on a wave of exhaustion and crankiness by 10am).
Anyway, I wasn’t remotely grateful last week, but since I am determined to be at least slightly grateful right up until the end of my 20s I shall continue on…
- I am grateful for any day off. My gratitude increases in proportion to the number of days off, such that I am excited for a regular two day weekend, but stupendously excited for a three or four day weekend; especially when I plan to do plenty of napping on those days off.
- As a corollary to point 1 – I also love my bed, my warm blankets and my boomerang pillow and I have spontaneously written a haiku about it, so that you’ll all feel the love.
Ode to bed:
Oh beloved bed
Place of dreams, warmth and safety
Where none will page me.
NO JASON WU I DON’T HAVE NARCOLEPSY!
- I am grateful that I am an anti-shit magnet, even though shit reflects off me onto someone else… I mean, the only reason that I managed to get my ethics proposal done at all was because I got 1-2 consults and 0-1 admissions a day for the 4 weekdays I was on. While, the BPT was on call for a single day and got 5 consults. I offered to help, but I suspect doctors, or perhaps just physician trainees, are masochists at heart.
4. I am also grateful that I never have to do my first ethics proposal ever again. Breaking one’s ethics proposal virginity has to be one of the most painful life experiences. The online form has 63 pages, plus I had to write a research proposal (noob at that too), a cover letter, a participant information sheet and consent form and collect the signatures of the two supervisors and the HOD. Needless to say, as a noob I did it all wrong the first time. Apparently, there are standard answers to many of the questions like – what if someone was doing illegal things? Apparently the answer isn’t, “but that illegal thing is unlikely to be relevant to me testing their eye movements.” Also, my language was all wrong. Let’s just say, much sleep was lost and many tears were shed but I’ll never go through that again.
5. The Handmaid’s Tale came out on SBS on demand last week! I tried to stream the first episode last night and it didn’t work… but still I am so excited and all of the reviews are so positive. Hope it lives up to the hype. I mean, if it doesn’t I still have the audiobook which is pretty great, but if there are 9 episodes they must have fleshed it out a lot, because the book is pretty short.
6. I stayed up till 1am on Friday evening writing my speech for the Chinese Medical Association on “Women in Medicine”. Gosh that was painful and I definitely needed the three hour nap that stole the rest of my Saturday (but made me feel human again). Yet, I am so glad I did my survey monkey survey and my research for the speech. I feel like I have a better appreciation of how tough it was for women in the past, whilst understanding where we have yet to improve. It’s such a privilege to be in the position I am in now, training in specialty medicine. I also enjoyed the opportunity to stand up on stage and rant on about feminism, with Virginia Woolf quotes, for 15mins <3 <3 <3. I am not sure if I made any impact at all, but I had fun. See my slides here.
7. As a corollary to 6, I really appreciated the article, Picking Up the Pieces, published this week by AMA NSW. I was particularly moved by the final paragraphs where the author essentially writes: women can work together, and if all else fails, we can keep each other company. I really need that warm fuzzy feeling of companionship in the face of the battles we face at work and I’m sure I’m not alone. Moreover, in the course of reading this article, then writing my speech, google informed me that THERE ARE Societies for Medical Women– state and national. Why hadn’t I heard of these before? I am definitely joining. If I’ve managed to learn anything, I’ve definitely learnt the value of collectivization in advocacy (for doctor’s welfare). We couldn’t have achieved so much alone and without the AMA.
8. Despite how hectic last week was, I still managed to go speed dating. I am so glad I went, because I had been feeling suffocated, as though medicine wanted to own my soul (melodramatic as that sounds, they are words I repeat often in the depths of sleep deprived despair). It was great fun! Fifteen minutes is just enough time to chat to a person about their hobbies and their work, without getting awkward. Plus, I am always meeting medical people. Here I met engineers, people in finance, law and IT. Such novelty. Strangely, 90% of the men I met were brown, whilst the women were white (with two Asians). This was a bizarre mix and I do wonder if all events are like this, or if it was just a coincidence. Anyway, within an evening (plus two yoga sessions) I felt more like myself, albeit still sleep deprived.
9. I am totes grateful for the recent run of warm, sunny weather. A total reprieve from seasonal disaffective disorder, however short lived.
- I am so grateful that the last week is over and that the following promises to be much more manageable (no ethics proposal). Hope this week is a good one guys AND if it isn’t, I recommend whinging a lot (it is therapeutic), good friends, wine, chocolate and catching a wink whenever and wherever you can.
